What Happens When You Get Electroculture Right? 🤯

(THE RESULTS SCARED ME—SERIOUSLY!)

So, picture this: I'm out in the kiwi arbor, machete in hand, doing my usual Permaculture routine—hacking back comfrey, layering it around the roots.

Feeling like a homesteading maverick.😏

Then I glance up.

Checking the security of my atmospheric collector…

(now mounted proudly to the arbor).

All isn't well.

I must've moved too abruptly. 🤣

My machete barely clips one of the posts.

And suddenly—

It rains self-assembling nanobots straight into my eyes.

Okay, not really.

Besides, chemtrails don’t even induce rain—everyone knows they just cause global dimming. They don’t self replicate. 😉

Now, if you've never had kiwi fuzz in your eyes, let me tell you—IT BURNS!

It burns like a hairy version of fiberglass with a personal vendetta.

I stumble back, clutching my face like a tragic Shakespearean figure mid-monologue, vision blurring, antenna fading from view.

And when I finally stop swearing and blinking like a broken turn signal, my gaze lands—not on the collector.

Not on my kiwis.

But at the base of one of the electrodes, where surplus current drips into the soil.

And that's when I see them.

“The Lords and Ladies.” 🎩

Not a divine vision.

Not an entheogen-induced psychosis.

Just a certain plant: Arum maculatum.

A wild, ancient woodland species with huge, deep, twisting roots—like something straight out of a fantasy novel.

Tropical-looking, waxy green leaves. Completely inedible unless you enjoy poison-induced regret.

But guess who loves it?

-🥁🥁🥁-

»»» WILD BOARS! «««

Not just a casual snack.

Obsessive, tear-down-stone-walls-to-get-it kind of love.

…and speaking of stone walls.

A month prior, they wrecked my rustic Italian dry-stone wall. 😩

> Not once!

> Not twice!

> Three times!!!

Knocking over stones so heavy they make you sleep with your feet elevated.

Until finally, I gave up and added cement.

(Who needs to build like the Romans anyway?)

Here's the Problem…

The “Lords and Ladies” near my kiwi arbor aren't just growing.

They're thriving.

Bigger. Shinier. More abundant than ever.

Which means my kiwi vines are now one gourmet truffle away from being torn apart by a herd of ravenous pigs.

So while I'm still blinking through kiwi fuzz and contemplating why I got into homesteading, one thing becomes painfully obvious:

This thing is working.

Just not the way I planned. 😂

Let's pause for a second—because if my accidental boar buffet doesn't convince you something's happening here, let's talk results.

When I finally got my atmospheric collector working, things started happening in my garden.

And not in a "hmm, is this placebo?" kind of way.

In a "why is my kale the size of a toddler?" kind of way.

✅ Soil woke up.

✅ Seeds germinated faster.

✅ Plants grew thicker, greener, healthier.

And the biggest surprise?

Less watering.

Yeah, somehow, my soil was holding moisture longer, even though I wasn't doing anything different.

(Cue me furiously Googling "electrical charge and soil hydration.”)

Turns out, charged soil changes how water behaves. Something about capillary action and negative ions—look, I'm not a scientist, but I am a guy who notices when my lettuce stops acting like a drama queen every time the sun comes out.

The Real Question: Why Aren't More People Using These?

Honestly? Probably because it sounds too good to be true.

But I'm telling you—it works. 😇

I've seen it. Others have seen it.

And if you're even mildly curious…

You have to try it for yourself.

Next Up: Making Sure It Stays 10 Feet in the Air!

Because if your collector crashes down in a windstorm, guess what?

It's not collecting anything.

So in my next email, I'll show you exactly how to build a stand that actually lasts.

(And won't require duct tape, prayers, or frantic emergency repairs at 2 AM.)

SERIOUSLY - No more boring pre-ramble about bores.

Until then, let me ask you this:

Have you seen results with Electroculture?

Hit reply. I wanna hear it.

— Ray "COVID made me fear self-replicating kiwi dust" Bacon

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P.S. Ever wondered what all the buzz is about with atmospheric collectors? Here’s your chance to find out (and no, it’s not a UFO). Check out David's Electric Fertilizer site—yep, he’s got them for sale. Because let’s face it, sometimes it’s easier to grab one than play "DIY or DIE" 😊

[GET YOUR VERY OWN NANO-BOT HERE]

For a Limited Time Only👍